Laws of the Natural Universe

by Lou on December 4, 2005

The laws of the natural universe: These came to me courtesy of local radio personality V.J. Hume. I got a kick out of them, so I thought I’d sahre them with anyone who shows up here.

  • Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
  • Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
  • Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
  • Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  • Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there’s never anyone in the checkout line.
  • Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You’re sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off.
  • Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
  • Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
  • Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  • Theater Law: At any theater, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
  • Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  • Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  • Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, a family of five will set up right next to you.
  • Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly related to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
  • Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
  • Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

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